Family Bible Studies
Notes by Deborah Disher
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Betrothal and a Happy Marriage
7/6/07
Imagine splitting yourself in half—you would automatically love your other half because it was yourself. Spouses should view marriage this way. The goal is that two become one, functioning in perfect teamwork. Both Christ and the Church are filled with God’s mind—the Holy Spirit. Similarly, if both parties in a marriage are filled with God’s spirit, they will likewise be of one mind.
Genesis 2:24
Jesus quoted this in Matthew 19 and showed that God made marriage binding for life. Once married, a Church member is not to get divorced or even consider it. With God’s spirit filling the minds of both husband and wife, there should be no reason, or desire, to split a marriage.
Ephesians 5:21-33
The marriage relationship symbolizes Christ and the Church. Jesus is currently betrothed to His bride, the Church. But in other places the Bible speaks as if he is married to her already. How is this, when the wedding is not until His second coming?
The answer is that betrothal in the Bible is more binding than modern “engagement.” It is the actual beginning, though not the final step, of marriage. Various Bible commentaries detail this topic of betrothal. It is a period of time to adjust to life with someone else, to learn to function as a team, before living together. It makes the transition to marriage as easy as possible.
This parallels the Christian lifetime, with its lessons, trials, and blessings as God prepares His people for eternal life. A Christian is not taken immediately to his reward. He must live a life that proves to God he is worthy of living forever. He must demonstrate loyalty to God and submission to God’s way and leadership. He must learn to be part of the team, of the same mind. The Church is learning to be Christ’s wife now, in the betrothal period, so that it is fully ready when the wedding arrives (Revelation 19:7-9, 11-17).
2 Corinthians 11:2-3
In betrothal, two who are promised to be married are already in the position of husband and wife, though not yet fully married.
Deuteronomy 22:22-29
The penalties for sexual immorality in Deuteronomy showed betrothal’s significance. If unmarried people sinned sexually (fornication), they were to marry each other—their sexual relations had already “married” them in God’s eyes. If married people sinned sexually (adultery), the penalty was death. But if a betrothed person sinned sexually, the penalty was also death—just as for a married person, though the betrothed had not yet come together with their spouse. This shows betrothal to be as binding as marriage. (Similarly, after baptism there must be no turning back for those in the Church. Both betrothal and baptism are covenants, sacred vows not to be taken lightly or broken.)
Matthew 1:18-25
Mary is called Joseph’s wife, though they were only betrothed.
Why Betrothal?
Betrothal paves the way for marriage. It is a time to get through any awkward period where you don’t yet feel like a couple. Working well as a team takes a lot of work. The more time you spend learning to be a team prior to marriage, working through the rough patches, the smoother the marriage will be. It is like Israel’s forty years in the wilderness. There were trials and obstacles to overcome, people with bad character to be weeded out, before those with good character could go into the promised land.
It is also analogous to the nine months spent by a baby inside the mother before birth—an amount of time is required to grow and develop before one is ready for life outside the womb.
A happy marriage is a team of two people deciding to go the same way. The husband has the final say, and should guide things in the right direction. But a lot of decisions hinge on the wife’s acquiescence. As with Olympic pair skating, good teamwork is effortless in appearance, but actually taking immense effort by both partners to reach the level where it becomes second nature. Both must have the same goal, and one partner must lead the team in a way that the other can follow wholeheartedly.
Grandma Kalliman’s Marriage Advice
Grandma Kalliman told Dad, “Marriage is like two horses yoked together. When they pull the same direction, life is smooth and the load is easy—each lightens the other’s burdens. But if they pull in opposite directions, they add to each other’s load. If one wants to go one way and the other doesn’t, they have to stop and talk it over until they agree to pull the same direction. Avoid arguments! Make life sweet for each other. Maintain a positive attitude. Work problems out immediately. Don’t let them grow into mountains.”
The 4 Rules of a Happy Family—Colossians 3:18-21
This formula works! It is how God and Christ interact, and how we are to interact with them.
In conclusion, marriage is a new life. It starts like a newborn baby, and grows over a long period. Give it time, help it grow by living according to the principles found in the Bible, and it will mature into something wonderful!
7/6/07
Imagine splitting yourself in half—you would automatically love your other half because it was yourself. Spouses should view marriage this way. The goal is that two become one, functioning in perfect teamwork. Both Christ and the Church are filled with God’s mind—the Holy Spirit. Similarly, if both parties in a marriage are filled with God’s spirit, they will likewise be of one mind.
Genesis 2:24
Jesus quoted this in Matthew 19 and showed that God made marriage binding for life. Once married, a Church member is not to get divorced or even consider it. With God’s spirit filling the minds of both husband and wife, there should be no reason, or desire, to split a marriage.
Ephesians 5:21-33
The marriage relationship symbolizes Christ and the Church. Jesus is currently betrothed to His bride, the Church. But in other places the Bible speaks as if he is married to her already. How is this, when the wedding is not until His second coming?
The answer is that betrothal in the Bible is more binding than modern “engagement.” It is the actual beginning, though not the final step, of marriage. Various Bible commentaries detail this topic of betrothal. It is a period of time to adjust to life with someone else, to learn to function as a team, before living together. It makes the transition to marriage as easy as possible.
This parallels the Christian lifetime, with its lessons, trials, and blessings as God prepares His people for eternal life. A Christian is not taken immediately to his reward. He must live a life that proves to God he is worthy of living forever. He must demonstrate loyalty to God and submission to God’s way and leadership. He must learn to be part of the team, of the same mind. The Church is learning to be Christ’s wife now, in the betrothal period, so that it is fully ready when the wedding arrives (Revelation 19:7-9, 11-17).
2 Corinthians 11:2-3
In betrothal, two who are promised to be married are already in the position of husband and wife, though not yet fully married.
Deuteronomy 22:22-29
The penalties for sexual immorality in Deuteronomy showed betrothal’s significance. If unmarried people sinned sexually (fornication), they were to marry each other—their sexual relations had already “married” them in God’s eyes. If married people sinned sexually (adultery), the penalty was death. But if a betrothed person sinned sexually, the penalty was also death—just as for a married person, though the betrothed had not yet come together with their spouse. This shows betrothal to be as binding as marriage. (Similarly, after baptism there must be no turning back for those in the Church. Both betrothal and baptism are covenants, sacred vows not to be taken lightly or broken.)
Matthew 1:18-25
Mary is called Joseph’s wife, though they were only betrothed.
Why Betrothal?
Betrothal paves the way for marriage. It is a time to get through any awkward period where you don’t yet feel like a couple. Working well as a team takes a lot of work. The more time you spend learning to be a team prior to marriage, working through the rough patches, the smoother the marriage will be. It is like Israel’s forty years in the wilderness. There were trials and obstacles to overcome, people with bad character to be weeded out, before those with good character could go into the promised land.
It is also analogous to the nine months spent by a baby inside the mother before birth—an amount of time is required to grow and develop before one is ready for life outside the womb.
A happy marriage is a team of two people deciding to go the same way. The husband has the final say, and should guide things in the right direction. But a lot of decisions hinge on the wife’s acquiescence. As with Olympic pair skating, good teamwork is effortless in appearance, but actually taking immense effort by both partners to reach the level where it becomes second nature. Both must have the same goal, and one partner must lead the team in a way that the other can follow wholeheartedly.
Grandma Kalliman’s Marriage Advice
Grandma Kalliman told Dad, “Marriage is like two horses yoked together. When they pull the same direction, life is smooth and the load is easy—each lightens the other’s burdens. But if they pull in opposite directions, they add to each other’s load. If one wants to go one way and the other doesn’t, they have to stop and talk it over until they agree to pull the same direction. Avoid arguments! Make life sweet for each other. Maintain a positive attitude. Work problems out immediately. Don’t let them grow into mountains.”
The 4 Rules of a Happy Family—Colossians 3:18-21
- The husband is in charge. (He must lead humbly and kindly.)
- The wife is his helper—a second in command, a valued assistant under his authority. (When the wife is genuinely submissive, she’ll find that her husband wants to go the way that makes her happy!)
- Children are to obey this chain of authority.
- Parents are to rule in love with total devotion to the well-being of their children.
This formula works! It is how God and Christ interact, and how we are to interact with them.
In conclusion, marriage is a new life. It starts like a newborn baby, and grows over a long period. Give it time, help it grow by living according to the principles found in the Bible, and it will mature into something wonderful!
This Bible study was given by Matthew Kalliman on 7/6/07